How to Navigate Unexpected Beginnings
May 15, 2018
“Change is the only constant in life” - Heraclitus
New beginnings happen because, well, things change.
Change can be expertly planned, the result of a long, slow burn, or can come abruptly and seemingly “without our consent”, leaving us to wander the debris field of “what just happened?”
If a new beginning has arrived for you unexpectedly, hey, I have been there. A few times.
However change arrives at our doorstep, what a new beginning means to us, ultimately depends on how we perceive it and how we respond as a result.
In this spirit, here are a few thoughts on embracing change, and making the most of new beginnings - planned - or not.
(BTW, If you are looking for a “WTF. Where do I go from here” template, this was made for you).
Start where you are.
However we got here on this beautiful messy path we call life, we are here now.
Take stock. Right here - right now might feel like - a hot mess, shock, preparedness, restless, excitement, relief or stress on the verge of an anxiety attack. Wherever you are - whatever wave of emotion wishes to roll through your body -- drop the levees and roll with it. In fact, I dare you to embrace it as it moves through you. It will pass.
Taking stock of where you are emotionally is like reaching for the buoying lifesaver once you are overboard. It is the starting point for getting back on board. Plus, taking stalk of where you are emotionally is building a mind-body awareness that brings your closer.. to you.
Now, take stock again.
If you are experiencing an unexpected change, know that emotions like panic, shock and stress are natural reactions. To help rebalance, ask yourself the following questions:
What do you have to stand on?
Your faith, livelihood, perseverance, stubbornness or that famous sense of humor? Lol. You have a ROCK. Go to it.
In very tangible, worldly terms, taking stock of what you have to stand on may also include reviewing your savings, income, and listing out who your closest friends and family members are that love and support you.
It may also mean reviewing how or if your goals and priorities have changed. New beginnings may not always be 180 redirections. Sometimes it is simply picking up and starting again.
Who can you rely on?
These are the most important people in our digital rolodex. I’ll be honest, I don’t always agree or express my appreciation for my mom, but to her credit, she is quite the pillar and bedrock when you need one. Although I may not always want to, I know beyond a doubt I can always rely on her. Who can you rely one no matter what?
What qualities do you possess that will rise to the occasion?
I have been a single mother for 25 years. I lived in LA without family in close proximity for 9 of those years. As a result, resilience is baked into my bones. I believe in my heart of hearts that I can just about get through anything after that experience.
Wanna know another quality baked into my bones? Self-love and self-respect.
I have earned these badges through life experiences and I know that these qualities within me will always rise to the occasion when I need to access and activate them. What super life badges (AKA qualities) do you have in your back pocket that are ready to be activated when you need them?
Where are you on your path? AND… can you see how far you have come?
It is incredibly hard for so many of us to give ourselves credit for the hard work we have put into life. Especially if we are expecting a different ROI. We forget that life lessons come in layers and often return until we have fully learned the lesson at hand. You have come so far and learned so much! Give yourself credit.
Now, lets take stock - one final time. Where are the gaps?
Think of a “gap” as a missing link in a chain or as a pothole where parts of the pavement are missing.
What are you missing that could help you navigate this new beginning better? In other words, what do you need to provide for yourself to fill those gaps?
New beginnings can be tough because they are so emotionally charged, but it is also a strategic point in the path along the way. No one is expecting you to pick up and sprint in the face of a pivot, especially if the life pivot is unexpected. Consider, “starting where you are”, as the pause, or the breath, before the step. Exhale and look around. You got this - hot messiness included.
Do what you can, with what you have….
- Yes, Theodore Rosevelt said that.
You have taken stock. You are aware of what resources are there to tap into, within you and around you. You have also been able to identify the gaps, so you can provide for yourself what you need.
Now it is time to decide to how to leverage your resources.
Resourcefulness is not what you have, but a character trait you build within you to overcome difficulties - in often creative ways. It is the quintessential “doing more with less.”
Starting where you are and doing what you can with what you have at the onset of a new beginning is a rich yet humbling journey.
Love who you are, regardless of where you are.
So, this is a hard one (you can raise your hand if you agree).
It actually speaks to two things: self-love / compassion and separating our identities from our circumstances.
Self-Compassion is loving ourselves regardless of the circumstances we are in. We, our spirits, our personalities, our beautiful lively selves, are not our circumstances. Yet, we love to beat ourselves up for falling into the same metaphoric sinkhole, or not catching the cues or making a mistake in our decision making (by the way, this is called being human -- we are so precious!!!).
Why is separating ourselves from our circumstances so hard? Because we tend to deeply intertwine our identities (our sense of self) with what we are experiencing. Perhaps it is what we do - a career position- or who we are in relationship to another person - wife, girlfriend, sister, mother - husband!
And if we find ourselves in a pattern of circumstantial outcomes, it is fairly easy to begin to believe we are our circumstances. But consider for a second that all the circumstances we experience (high and low) in life are simply life lessons we are moving through with the purpose of growing and expanding as a result.
Remember, the only constant in life is change. Life is fluid and dynamic. Any one person, can move through a multitude of different experiences in a single life time.
This will pass.
The good thing about change, and new beginnings is that it is temporary - like all things. It may not be over night, it may even take a year, but it will pass like a rolling wave. Ask yourself, what gift has this experience and unexpected new beginning given me? What have I learned? Who am I now as a result?
You may find that you are far better off than you originally thought. Take heart. Life can be challenging, but you have what it takes to move through it.
“There is no use going back to yesterday because I was a different person then.”
- Lewis Carroll.
Are you at a life pivot point or at an unexpected new beginning?
Take out your journals!
Explore the questions posed above and/or feel free to share them in the comments below.
Lastly, if you feel this post has helped you, or could benefit someone you love, please feel free to share with friends and family.
Thank you for taking the time to journey with me today!
From my heart center to yours,
NOEMI
