Healthy Holiday Boundaries
November 22, 2017
Thanksgiving initiates a time of year when we gather with family and friends to express our gratitude and appreciation for one another and everything else we may bypass amidst our busy schedules the rest of the year. It signifies a time to begin slowing down the inner clock.
For those of us who identify with our North American indigenous heritage, thanksgiving is a time of mixed feelings, remembering and honoring our ancestors, while acknowledging the multi-generational trauma that ensued. Therefore it is also a time for love, healing and forgiveness.
But there is another aspect of the holiday season that comes to mind, which is also foundational to personal wellbeing and happiness: Boundaries.
The holidays are a perfect time to practice mastering this skill.
BOUNDARIES DEFINED
A boundary is a metaphorical line in the sand that marks a limit. A healthy boundary speaks to a person’s chosen physical, emotional and energetic partition between themselves and another person.
Where to draw the line? It is self defines and starts with what you personally feel comfortable with. You, and you alone, have the power to define and then hold the line, when it is tested! Ready?!
Identify Your “NO GO” Zone
The holidays are meant for catching up. It’s part of what makes it so special. But it can also lead to a lot of unwanted questions or oversharing without your permission.
Identify ahead of time what personal topics you rather not entertain in conversation and politely refrain from engaging when they are brought up.
This doesn’t mean showing up defensive, shut down, or not ready to engage, it just means you know ahead of time, you probably don’t want to get into a political showdown at the table, talk about your personal appearance or your relationship status (and other personal topics you just rather not get into the details about).
You do have a right to manage what you share and what is shared with you, which leads directly to tip no. 2
2. Give Yourself Permission
As in, give yourself permission to say No. This is a tricky one, but it is the no.1 quintessential core element that defines a boundary.
Go ahead and give yourself permission to NOT answer questions about your life that make you feel uncomfortable or participate in an activity that you just don’t want to be a part of.
Give yourself permission to NOT be a receptacle for someone’s emotional dumping. You can still express compassion for your relatives and yet say NO to receiving (unwillingly) their emotional and energetic baggage.
The point is, no one is going to give you the permission you need, except yourself. If you are uncomfortable and you need room to breathe, give yourself permission to unplug, untether, retreat and take time, as in somewhere else, so you can disconnect, even if it is for 5 minutes in the bathroom.
3. Stay Present (AKA - don’t numb out)
During the holidays, especially seated at a robust table or in a bustling house, it is easy to want to simply check out -- Meaning, going to the nearest Wine, Whiskey, or Tequila bottle (a family favorite). But this is simply called numbing out, and it is the antithesis of staying present (remember mindfulness).
This holiday is a perfect opportunity to practice staying mindfully present and mastering your boundaries. As they say, practice makes perfect (or at least, makes you really skilled). Your best ally? Your breath….
4. Practice Responding vs. Reacting
We can’t always control what someone says or does around us, just like we can’t control the weather.
If you start to feel triggered, take a moment to pause before replying. Take full advantage of practicing inner awareness in the moment. What is happening within you beneath the layers? Are you feeling hurt, fearful, or angry? Good. Earmark it for a deep dive excavation in your own private time and space.
To learn more about mindfulness and choosing to mindfully respond vs react, I wrote a blog about it here.
5. Remember Compassion, Gratitude, Appreciation & the art of Letting Go
At the end of the day, your friends and family love you. Tap into your inner compassion, look around you and notice what you are grateful for and appreciate most. Then take a deep breath… and let go.
Love is what is it really all about. Love and compassion for yourself, and for others, as yourself.
Wishing you the Happiest of the Holiday Season.
Thank you for taking this journey with me!
From my heart center to yours,
NOEMI
